I Used to Play Bass For...

For the last semester me and my roommates have been running a joke introduced to us by the great Jacob Mikulecky. Jokes die when you explain them, but since none of you will ever hear me make enough of these to make the connection I'll kill the joke anyways hoping that you can gain some small satisfaction from its corpse.

The concept is that when we hear something come up in our usual conversation that sounds like it could be a band name we say that we used to play bass for such and such. We play bass because no one really knows who plays bass for any given band. Most fans can name a lead singer or a guitarist, but the bassists will remain as anonymous as rabbis (wait for it). The vast majority of names we throw out are complete garbage. Each proposed name, much like any of our other jokes, gets an instant rating from one to ten with only eights and above considered to be worthy of remembrance. Additionally, if someone goes out of their way to set their joke up or they have created it in advance, then it, like Loquacious Donkey, is thrown straight to Hell.

Now before I give you the list you need to know that each of these bands is imagined opening up for Creed. They are Creed cover bands. Because no one opens for Creed.

I, Josh Whitlock, do solemnly swear and affirm that all of these came up in actual conversation.

Josh Whitlock, Jacob Mikulecky, Sir Billiam von Honey, Easton Johnson, or Evan Sorenson used to play bass for:

Wives and Concubines
Widow's Peak
Soldier of Fortune
Rabbis Anonymous
Childbearing Hips
Historical Douchebags
Almost a Hug
Alzheimers and Priestcraft
Six Pack for Grandpa
Gratuitous Nudity
Son of the Nun
Burning Apathy
Flaming Racist
Ninjas and Trebuchets (watch the Scorpion King 3: Battle for Redemption)
Perversion in Israel
Bastions of Antiquity
Capital of Suck
Cannibalception
The Apostate Uncle
and
Lover's Bonus

After we hit the bottom of the proverbial band name we branched off into song titles and album names and even occasionally stage names. The vast majority of these go to Rabbis Anonymous because we tend to find jokes about religious subject matter hilarious.

Our favorite album goes to A Firm Grip on the Soap as performed by Flaming Racist prior to Creed's prison tour.

As time goes on I may or may not add to this list, but if you come across any awesome band names in your conversations, please feel free to whip this joke out and comment below, but only if it is above a five. Take luck for your finals people.

Whitlock out.