Did you know that sometimes there are moments so terrible that even Lord of the Rings isn't good enough to make me stay put?
Shocker, right? I think I've geeked out about Lord of the Rings more than any other show on this blog. It's sort of like the way an emo feels after cutting himself. Bleeding fantastic.
Ok...maybe a bit to dark even for me, but when has that stopped me before?
That terrible moment I was talking about earlier can, and probably someday will, manifest itself in the form of a group of band nerds.
On a side note, I don't necessarily hate the band. I think it's great that so many people can find friendship or some type of awkward incestuous family in the band. I think it's great that they can defy the odds and win something for AF for a change. I think that lots of them are great people. I've got a lot of friends that were in band and I genuinely enjoy spending time with them.
But not in packs. When band kids are cut off from each other they are fun, cool human beings. When they get together, they form this social chasm with the rest of the world. It's awkward as all hell. I think that band, much like drama, forms a bond between band kids that is stronger than anything anyone else can offer them. So in situations where they have other band kids around, they form the chasm and ignore the rest of the world in favor of reliving the good old days and talking about the next generation of band nerds that no one else knows about.
Me and Spencer couldn't take it, so we abandoned ship. In my case, literally just as they were about to start fighting at Helm's Deep. That should tell you how uncomfortable it was.
Note to everybody: If you manage to graduate and find yourself going to a nice college somewhere, don't be a wannabe super senior. There isn't a person on earth who wants to be ignored in favor of gossiping about this cute high school junior couple that already have their wedding vows written.
In other news, I've been walking around for the past couple of days with a large hole in my chest.
I discovered this oddly shaped, multicolored mole on my chest so I went to get a dermatologists opinion regarding potential malignant origin. He's about 90% certain it isn't cancerous which was nice to know, but I still found myself lying on the table without a shirt while he came at me with a knife. An unexpected consequence of paying 30$ for about 5 minutes of attention: doctors reserve the right to cut you at a moment's notice without any prior interest expressed. So he carved out a hole about half an inch in diameter and then cauterized it with some kind of bizarre chemical and here I am. For the first time in my life, a holey man.
Yes, I've read Harry Potter. Yes, I steal their jokes sometimes.
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You know, it's dang hard to keep track of what I have and have not reviewed. I'm going to guess that I've covered the Walking Dead, the Avengers, and Avatar...although as an update for that some guys in my dorm are hosting an Avatar party every Saturday morning. We had about 18 people show up for day one, more than half of whom were girls...attractive ones too.
I've recently been introduced to the beauty that is Spotify. Because of Spotify, I can listen to anything I want, whenever I want. There are thousands of songs at my disposal.
I've listened to the same two albums over and over again for the past two weeks. That's right, with any song in the world at my disposal, I've listened to nothing but Night Visions and Black Holes and Revelations since I got to college.
Imagine Dragons' new album, Night Visions, is easily one of my favorite albums of all times. Imagine Dragons has a very unique and creative flavor on their music that is at once chill and super exciting. It is good for any mood any time. I've gone through that track about 40 times and I still couldn't tell you what all the words are for most of the songs because it is all about that unique sound. Highly recommended to anyone. The top three songs are, in no particular order, Radioactive, Bleeding Out, and Demons.
Black Holes and Revelations is also one of the greatest albums ever. I feel like I may have written about this before (and I'm too lazy to check), but briefly, Muse is a tripy, almost hallucinogenic sort of a band. Bizzare, but extremely good. Even, if I may be so bold, Legendary. And the most legendary of their albums is Black Holes and Revelations. Don't just listen to one song, take the whole album and just have it playing in the background somewhere. Although your ears are most likely to poke up at Knights of Cydonia, Exopolitics, and Starlight.
In case you were wondering, yes, I've seen How I Met Your Mother. Yes, that is where the "legendary" thing comes from. In what is possibly my favorite show of all time, a father in 2030 tells his children the tale of how he met their mother through flashbacks to 2005, where 27 year old Ted has become desperate for a committed relationship that will lead to kids/marriage. He and his friends, especially Barney are hilarious. And dirty. Very dirty. I would never ever let my kids watch this show, but it is easily one of the funniest ever. One of the best things about it is that everything is tied into the show. Random details will be brought back up in later episodes to hilarious effect. Oh, and there are also some extremely cute moments that should more than satisfy any chick-flickish craving you may have been suffering. If you have given up on making it into heaven and want some quality entertainment, this is the show for you.
Suit up and don't touch that remote. More of the things you never wanted to know about my life will be back after these messages.
Monday, September 24, 2012
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
The Problem of Success and the Charge of the Light Brigade
A couple months ago, me and Parker were walking to the gym talking about anything that struck our fancy. Already, you should be thinking that this was a happy story, as it means we weren't running to the gym. In the course of the conversation, we started talking about our dads.
Parker's dad is an executive for FedEx. He's been super successful and as such makes a load of money and gets lots of great benefits, including free shipping and air fare for his family.
My dad is a supply chain manager for IMFT. He worked his way from basically nothing to where he is today. He's traveled the world, brokering deals with international leaders. He's never been out of a job as far back as my memory goes. He's always been able to provide for his family and contribute additional time to organizations like the stake high council and the University of Utah Business program.
Both of our dads worked hard for their success. Both had to make themselves what they are, and they succeeded. Big time.
But me and Parker weren't bragging on our dads per se. While we both love and respect our dads, that particular conversation revolved around a minor unintended consequence of the great things they've done with their lives.
We now have to live up to their legacy.
The problem with success is that when you are growing up in its shadow there are certain unattainable expectations placed on you. You have everything you need to succeed provided for you. Access to the best schools and opportunities, a mentor who can guide you to excellence, and a set of dang fine genetics to boot. The world is your oyster, so to speak.
But here's the thing. There were very few things that me and Parker saw in the exact same way, and one of those things was this: We will not be able to do as well as our fathers.
The fact is that even though the American dream is alive and well (If you need proof, look at my father), there are very few people who achieve quite so much. Frankly, I don't believe I'm cut from the same cloth as my dad. He's a better man than me by far.
Because of him, I've been given all the tools I need, including a college education. Because of him, no matter what I do with it, I will still never live up to what people expect of me...
Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe the rest of the world looks at what I've done and is satisfied, impressed even. Maybe I've done some good things. I was a pretty good student. I got my eagle scout. I earned a scholarship. I made some great friends and helped some people who needed me. I played lacrosse, survived McDonald's, and got accepted to one of the best universities on the planet. Maybe that's good enough for everybody else.
But it is NOT good enough for me.
Because every thing I am, all the success I've had has been built on a mountain. I've created a hut at the top of that mountain and laughed at the castles in the valley below me.
NOT good enough.
Because I'm no closer to the things that really matter.
Career? Can't find a job. The best I could do was McDonald's. In the months that I've been looking there have been no positive hits. No interviews. No responses. Period. Even at places that are advertising job openings in my area. Nothing.
Family? Realistically, this is probably never going to happen. I haven't had a girlfriend since 8th grade. I'm now at MeetYourFutureSpouse University and I've still got nothing. Even when you are used to the friend zone, it sucks.
Religion? I've done things that I don't think will ever fully leave my conscience.
NOT good enough.
But I'll keep fighting.
I don't know what the future has in store for me. I don't know if my dreams are achievable or not. I don't know why I was put here and who I'm supposed to reach.
But I do know one thing.
I know that it doesn't matter.
In Mr. Atwood's AP Euro class, we read a poem called "the Charge of the Light Brigade." It details an engagement in the Crimean War in which something went terribly wrong. Through an obvious mistake in command, a single division, the Light Brigade, was sent in a full frontal attack at against a heavily fortified artillery division with 20 infantry units supporting. Accepting this as their duty, the Light Brigade mounted up and charged headlong into a valley with enemies on every side. Somehow, they made it through their mile long charge to the guns and were able to scatter the defenders, but were pushed back. So they rode back once more through the valley of death with cannon and rifle hammering them the whole way back. Hundreds were killed. Incidently, this took place on my birthday.
Particularly moving to me was this quote:
What made these men heroes was not what they accomplished. They accomplished nothing. What made these men heroes, was that they did what they had to do regardless of the outcome. They plowed into the valley of death and fought on.
So I won't give up. I won't stop fighting. And even though I may never be the greatest man in the world, I can at least die as myself, proud that when the call came to charge, I did not back down.
For your reference, here is the poem in its entirety. It is quite possibly my favorite poem ever written.
1.
Half a league onward,
Rode the six hundred.
Rode the six hundred.
2.
Someone had blunder'd:
Rode the six hundred.
3.
Volley'd and thunder'd;
Rode the six hundred.
4.
All the world wonder'd:
Shatter'd and sunder'd.
Not the six hundred.
5.
Volley'd and thunder'd;
Left of six hundred.
6.
All the world wondered.
Noble six hundred.
Parker's dad is an executive for FedEx. He's been super successful and as such makes a load of money and gets lots of great benefits, including free shipping and air fare for his family.
My dad is a supply chain manager for IMFT. He worked his way from basically nothing to where he is today. He's traveled the world, brokering deals with international leaders. He's never been out of a job as far back as my memory goes. He's always been able to provide for his family and contribute additional time to organizations like the stake high council and the University of Utah Business program.
Both of our dads worked hard for their success. Both had to make themselves what they are, and they succeeded. Big time.
But me and Parker weren't bragging on our dads per se. While we both love and respect our dads, that particular conversation revolved around a minor unintended consequence of the great things they've done with their lives.
We now have to live up to their legacy.
The problem with success is that when you are growing up in its shadow there are certain unattainable expectations placed on you. You have everything you need to succeed provided for you. Access to the best schools and opportunities, a mentor who can guide you to excellence, and a set of dang fine genetics to boot. The world is your oyster, so to speak.
But here's the thing. There were very few things that me and Parker saw in the exact same way, and one of those things was this: We will not be able to do as well as our fathers.
The fact is that even though the American dream is alive and well (If you need proof, look at my father), there are very few people who achieve quite so much. Frankly, I don't believe I'm cut from the same cloth as my dad. He's a better man than me by far.
Because of him, I've been given all the tools I need, including a college education. Because of him, no matter what I do with it, I will still never live up to what people expect of me...
Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe the rest of the world looks at what I've done and is satisfied, impressed even. Maybe I've done some good things. I was a pretty good student. I got my eagle scout. I earned a scholarship. I made some great friends and helped some people who needed me. I played lacrosse, survived McDonald's, and got accepted to one of the best universities on the planet. Maybe that's good enough for everybody else.
But it is NOT good enough for me.
Because every thing I am, all the success I've had has been built on a mountain. I've created a hut at the top of that mountain and laughed at the castles in the valley below me.
NOT good enough.
Because I'm no closer to the things that really matter.
Career? Can't find a job. The best I could do was McDonald's. In the months that I've been looking there have been no positive hits. No interviews. No responses. Period. Even at places that are advertising job openings in my area. Nothing.
Family? Realistically, this is probably never going to happen. I haven't had a girlfriend since 8th grade. I'm now at MeetYourFutureSpouse University and I've still got nothing. Even when you are used to the friend zone, it sucks.
Religion? I've done things that I don't think will ever fully leave my conscience.
NOT good enough.
But I'll keep fighting.
I don't know what the future has in store for me. I don't know if my dreams are achievable or not. I don't know why I was put here and who I'm supposed to reach.
But I do know one thing.
I know that it doesn't matter.
In Mr. Atwood's AP Euro class, we read a poem called "the Charge of the Light Brigade." It details an engagement in the Crimean War in which something went terribly wrong. Through an obvious mistake in command, a single division, the Light Brigade, was sent in a full frontal attack at against a heavily fortified artillery division with 20 infantry units supporting. Accepting this as their duty, the Light Brigade mounted up and charged headlong into a valley with enemies on every side. Somehow, they made it through their mile long charge to the guns and were able to scatter the defenders, but were pushed back. So they rode back once more through the valley of death with cannon and rifle hammering them the whole way back. Hundreds were killed. Incidently, this took place on my birthday.
Particularly moving to me was this quote:
Theirs not to make reply,
Theirs not to reason why,
Theirs but to do and die,
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.
What made these men heroes was not what they accomplished. They accomplished nothing. What made these men heroes, was that they did what they had to do regardless of the outcome. They plowed into the valley of death and fought on.
So I won't give up. I won't stop fighting. And even though I may never be the greatest man in the world, I can at least die as myself, proud that when the call came to charge, I did not back down.
For your reference, here is the poem in its entirety. It is quite possibly my favorite poem ever written.
Half a league, half a league,
Half a league onward,
All in the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.
"Forward, the Light Brigade!
"Charge for the guns!" he said:
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.
"Forward, the Light Brigade!"
Was there a man dismay'd?
Not tho' the soldier knew
Someone had blunder'd:
Theirs not to make reply,
Theirs not to reason why,
Theirs but to do and die:
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.
Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon in front of them
Volley'd and thunder'd;
Storm'd at with shot and shell,
Boldly they rode and well,
Into the jaws of Death,
Into the mouth of Hell
Rode the six hundred.
Flash'd all their sabres bare,
Flash'd as they turn'd in air,
Sabring the gunners there,
Charging an army, while
All the world wonder'd:
Plunged in the battery-smoke
Right thro' the line they broke;
Cossack and Russian
Reel'd from the sabre stroke
Shatter'd and sunder'd.
Then they rode back, but not
Not the six hundred.
Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon behind them
Volley'd and thunder'd;
Storm'd at with shot and shell,
While horse and hero fell,
They that had fought so well
Came thro' the jaws of Death
Back from the mouth of Hell,
All that was left of them,
Left of six hundred.
When can their glory fade?
O the wild charge they made!
All the world wondered.
Honor the charge they made,
Honor the Light Brigade,
Noble six hundred.
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