I can't see into the future. My vision is obscured by the uncertainty of fate.
It's like I'm at the top of a mountain. I can travel in any direction, but the valleys below are blanketed in fog. Even the idea of a valley might be an illusion. I have to dream to have any idea of what I'm walking into.
Here are some of my more pleasant fantasies.
My dream has always been to be the perfect mormon man. A great husband and father, working a steady job, coming home to my suburban house. I go on a mission, serve honorably, come home, get married and graduate. This is the dream that I keep waking up from. I want it more than anything else, but it eludes my grasp.
In another life, I'm single. Not by choice, but whatever. I'm waiting tables in Rome, working part time and immersing myself in the culture. Trying new things. Letting myself become a new person. During the day I work, but at night I wander. I walk the streets basking in the life flowing around me. I'm alone, but not really. The city is my companion.
Another dream of mine involves joining the military instead of serving a mission. In this dream, as horrible as it would be in real life, war has broken out. Somewhere in the world, people need my help. The call of duty is issued and I respond, running towards the sound of chaos. I live, fight, and sacrifice along side my brothers in arms, giving whatever it takes to make the world a better place. And eventually that includes my life. If I died in the line of doing something great, I think I would die happy, knowing that my existence meant something. Knowing that I made a difference.
For now, reality is less exiting. I'm working at BYU catering as a cook in the hot kitchen (don't know if I already announced that, but chances are if you know me well enough to care what I have to say you already know. My least sincere apologies for the inconvenience). My specialty at this point is probably cleaning up. I'm still learning how to do everything, and I'm getting better, but I don't feel like I'm fast enough to contribute my fair share during hell week. Which would be next week. The week my homework load is doubled and my hours increase.
My grades aren't doing so hot. I literally did not have time to do everything I had to this week and I'm starting to feel my brain deteriorate. Like, I'm a smart guy, but lately I've been feeling really, really stupid. Concepts that should come easily to me are nearly impossible to comprehend now. Maybe I should take an IQ test now so that I can report a score later in life that doesn't match Forrest Gump's.
Also, I just got back from a trip to Arizona. I don't think I'm ever going to live there. It is a nice area, but I struggled to stay happy there. I thought I was over what happened in sixth grade, but I think there are too many bad, repressed memories for me to feel anything less than cold there. It helped to be with my family though. I feel like college has just made me closer to my family, even if I'm more politically moderate than my parents and my normal sleep habits have me waking up four hours after everyone storms my bedroom. It was cool to see the cousins too. Ethan is turning into a mature-ish little boy, Ava is adorable as always, and Pace went from being a vengeful angel into an adorable, sensitive little kid.
During the trip, I read my first recreational book in months, and it was incredible. It is called Mistborn. It's a fantasy set in a world where an unspeakable evil arose and the only one who could stop it failed (I'm paraphrasing). For a thousand years, a dark god has ruled the world. It was smartly put together, the characters remained human and fallible throughout, and the plot develops in an appropriately unpredictable way. It was easily one of the best books I've ever read, so if you are on the market for that sort of thing, I highly recommend it.
While there, I also had the distinct pleasure of getting Brenden an early Chrismas present. Any guesses?
Think.
Pretend like you know me.
Final answer?
Jk, I belive in deathbed repentance. Ish.
But really. Pick a present and stick with it.
It was a-
You didn't even guess, did you? Punk.
I got him a trinity of animated Batman movies! Whoot!
It came with Batman: Year One, Batman: Gotham Knight, and Batman: Under the Red Hood.
Of those, I had seen Under the Red Hood already. When I watched it a couple years ago, I had pretty low expectations, but it was a fantastic movie. Spoilers coming until the end of the paragraph: The movie opens with the Joker beating Robin to death with a crowbar. Robin remains defiant to the end, but he is still a teenager and it latches onto your emotional core pretty quick watching him suffer. If you watch the opening sequence, you won't stop. Robin comes back from the dead (I know, I know) and takes on one of the Joker's old persona's: the Red Hood. As the Red Hood, he starts cleaning up Gotham using methods that Batman refuses too, namely taking over and controlling Gotham's underworld using a lot of killing. In the end, Batman, Red Hood, and the Joker are all forced to confront each other and Batman is faced with an impossible moral dilemna. Dark, psychological, and redemptive. In other words, brilliant work.
Since it was so good, I got him the set. We watched Year One in Arizona, and I thought it was good, but not incredible. More of a Jim Gordon movie than a Batman movie.We also started Gotham Knight, which turned out to be a bunch of shorts, some of which were good and some of which were just plain weird.
Whitlock out.
